complicated..?

well folks remember those stories.. it's been so long since i've blogged that i can't even remember them. all i have to say is i hate the end of term. so much. it's full of cramming all that last minute work in, to bump up the grade. and there is also the mountain of projects that are all due like on the same day. (i swear the teachers conspire with each other...) and with all this stress it results in 1. i'm breaking out bad! i hate acne 2. my room is a disaster because i don't have time to clean it. and when i do have time i take a nap instead. (i can't function when my room is a mess. so if i seem a bit edgy and off that would be why. 3. i am lacking sleep. i need the weekend. pronto. good thing it's wendnesday..  two more days.


but to make things more complicated..

remember this boy well as of lately i find myself wanting him to notice me. and i quite enjoy talking to him in class when we laugh about our funny memories.. and sometimes i go to visit him. and i get butterflies, and my knees shake.

do i really want to feel this way? after what happend the last time? all my friends hate him. i hated him up until like this week. does he deserve a second chance?? is this even going anywhere or am i over analyzing the situation...?

i don't want to deal with this right now. i was finally finding this other boy but he has no idea who i even am.. and i'm to scared to talk to him..

do i pass up an opportunity with one boy. to have a higher chance with a boy that has no idea i even exist.

i am over analyzing i'm sure.. but this is everything going through my brain.. as of this week..

sorry if i sound scatterbrained.. i just am.. give me a break. i'm riding a roller coaster of emotions.. it's fine.

it's coming

just you wait. i have stories.

Awkward could be my middle name.

wedding. prom. old ladies..? we got it covered

we dress up. get over it. (:

jealous..?

jealous is a feeling i feel a lot. i'm constantly comparing myself to others.

i want so badly to be vibrant, outgoing, different, and fun.

but sometimes i feel invisible. and people talk for me. and i'm just another face in the crowd.

i want just for once to stand out. and have the spot light on me.

i wish i wasn't scared to speak out. and make new friends.

i wish i knew how to talk to boys, instead of freaking out and stumbling over what to say every time i try.

sometimes it would be nice if i wasn't always that awkward third wheel.

i want to be one of those people who is friends with everyone. but it's hard when no one knows who i am.

it's weird to think that i know who so many people are, but they don't know me.

i don't like this jealousy. it puts a damper on my days.

if i ask nicely will it go away?

my answer is as good as yours... i have no idea.

so i guess i'll keep pushing through and hopefully one day.. it'll slowly subside.

and i'll find who i really am.

is this to much to ask?

 

long pause... no answer

sometimes it's your closest friends that can let you down. sometimes it's the ones you love the most that you aren't very nice to. sometimes the boy you like doesn't know you exist. sometimes you get annoyed. and sometimes you annoy.

sometimes people are people. and we can't let those bad moments we see in them get us down.

because

sometimes it's your closest friends that bring out the best in you. sometimes it's the ones you love the most that are there for you no matter what. sometimes if you keep trying that boy you like might know who you are eventually. and sometimes you aren't annoyed. and sometimes you don't annoy.

people are people.

i hurt... EVERYWHERE

this weekend i...
- hiked a half marathon
- learned how to pee in the wild
- learned how to change a tampon in the wild
- never been so cold in my life
- or shivered so much in my life
- repelled down some rocks.
- climbed down a waterfall
- cannon balled off a ledge into a pool of water infested with logs.
- swam, walked, and waded through ice cold water.
- me and annika were always the caboose
- got sick the night before this extravaganza. so lets just say my cold got worse times ten.
- ate wendys at 11:00 at night. that's gross.
- i think my leaders thought i was going to get hypothermia. because they told me multiple times. "bre! keep moving your arms!!"
-  at the last miles thought i wasn't going to make it. because i was so cold, tired, and hungry. and my body hurt so bad that it felt like my legs were 10 pounds every time i took a step.
- i saw my friends struggle and they saw me struggle.
- i saw my friends triumph and they saw me triumph.
- i all in all had a good time. and it was a blast!

i will share some pictures with you soon.