it's midnight thirty. and i'm eating a hot dog. feel free to be disgusted with me. because i'm quite appalled with myself.

someone please come see this movie with me!

pros.. and.. cons..?

boy, i'm walking on thin ice for you. and any second i'm going to fall through. are you really worth it? this is where it get's complicated. because my head is screaming at me, get off the ice you stupid girl!!! when you fall in it's going to be freaking cold. and it's going to take more than the electric blanket you got for christmas, and a cup of kneaders hot chocolate to warm you back up. my head is really convincing. so i turn to go back to the safety of the shore, but then my heart butts in and stops me, and i remember the way i feel when you're  holding me in your arms. my heart is pretty convincing too. i look back, and i'm at a loss. i'm in limbo. i don't want to forget that feeling. and i don't want to fall into the icy water. a decision needs to be made. but that is easier said than done. are you going to let me fall through like you did the last time? when the ice cracked underneath me so unexpectedly. or will you catch me? it kills me to say i don't think you will. and i don't want to look like a fool when i come shivering out of the water, i can only imagine what my friends would be thinking about me.... "that's what you get for giving him a second chance." "we all saw that one coming.".... that would be hard seeing as i've been trying to convince myself that you're a different person then my friends think you are. and i want to believe myself. but how can i if i come out of that ice water, knowing that all those things my friends said about you were true. and i was just too caught up in everything to hear their advice. well boy,  i'm on the ice. so please don't let me fall in. is that to much for a girl to ask?

phobia..?

this is for you shelby. hahahaaaa
good times (:
ohh and let's have a pudding fest. deal?

this is what i've succumbed to..

sometimes i get bored. really really really bored. so what do i do...? put my ipod on shuffle and write down the first line of the song. to make a story. that's a bit interesting..

silent night

don't cry

let's go back, back to the beginning.

i believe in dreaming, shooting for the stars

she's all laid up in bed with a broken heart

i'm not surprised not everything lasts.

you're such a flirt

one more depending on a prayer

i was sitting on my doorstep

sparks fly, i hit the ground running

making my way downtown walking fast.

you take a deep breath and you walk through the doors

7 am the usual morning line up.

don't go breaking my heart 

how ironic it all seems

i got my boots on

you were in college working part time waiting tables

story of my life

saturday night and you're still hanging around

i never thought that i was so blind

if i told you tonight that i loved you

the time i would spend

turn it up

summer loving had me a blast

there's nothing you can do to turn me away

all those crazy nights

anytime you feel

for the longest time 

trying not to hope to hard for what i want.

yeah someone call me.. i'm going crazy and need to get out of the house.. 

yep.

i understand feeling as small and as insignificant as humanly possible. and how it can actually ache in places you didn't know you had inside you. and it doesn't matter how many new haircuts you get, or gyms you join, or how many glasses of chardonnay you drink with your friends... you still go to bed every night going over every detail and wonder what you did wrong or how you could have misunderstood. and how in the hell for that brief moment you could think that you were that happy. and sometimes you can even convince yourself that he'll see the light and show up at your door. and after all that, however long all that may be, you'll go somewhere new, and you'll meet people who make you feel worthwhile again. and little pieces of your soul will finally come back. and all that fuzzy stuff, those years of your life that you wasted, that will all eventually begin to fade.

-The Holiday

i love breaks

i love grandma's house (: why you ask?
-we watch harry potter, up, and cheesy hallmark christmas movies.
-we quilt.
-we make candy.
-and we are best friends. (:

because i want to... 

 Do you hate anyone? 

umm no.. but a step down from hate..? maybe. 

Are you trying to avoid liking somebody at the moment?

no. cause i'm smitten. 

Do you drink more apple or orange juice?

orange juice (: it's my favorite. 

unless it's cheep then it's to artificial.. so i would then drink apple juice.

What time did you go to sleep Friday night?

1:00 am

are you nice to people you dislike?

                                              i try.. but sometimes.. you well... snap.

Was this summer a good one?

i've had better. but no it wasn't bad. and i had some swell adventures. (:

You receive $50 without any reason, what do you spend it on?

itunes. 

How long does it take you to fall asleep at night?

a half hour on a good night. hours on a bad night.

who are you annoyed at?

well... i plead the 5th. (it be nice to be included though.) 

Would you rather write with a gel pen or Sharpie?

sharpie. gel pens never even work..

Do you believe that love at first sight exists?

i'll let you know at a later date. 

Do you miss anyone?

yes. yes i do.

Have you ever had stitches?

no sir! and i don't plan on it.. 

This time last year, can you remember who you liked?

yeah. and what was i thinking? 

are you easy to get along with?

i would hope so..

Was last night terrible?

no, it was lovely i spent it with the most amazing people. 

Is it possible to be JUST friends with someone you wanna be with?

does this answer do okay?

Meet anyone new this year?

yes indeed.

Are you a bad influence?

well sometimes i steal the decorations in the student center and hide them in my locker... is that bad influence?

What is your favorite book that you had to read for school?

catch-22

What does the last text you received say?

                                                                 "ya"- trevor jenkins 

Do you want to say something to someone?

umm i know your jealous. buy the way you act whenever i mention a date, i go to a dance with another boy, and i say i like someone. so just either man up and stop being jealous and fight for it. or just get out of my life and stop caring so much about who i like. 

Anybody you're looking forward to seeing soon?

grandma (: we are best friends 

What was the first thing you did this morning?

waking up to my mom saying. "its seven!! get out of bed!!!"

How fast does your mood change?

depends. 

Remember the first time you kissed the last person you kissed?

yes. and my mother may or may not have saw.. awkward..

Why did you last smile?

because i had to tell my mother about the mirror in the girls asl project. yeah inside joke.. don't worry about it.

Last girls you hung out with?

tori, rachel, and annika. (: love you ladies 

Have you ever thrown up in that trashcan?

no sir... 

What were you doing at 8:00 this morning?

probably blessing peoples hearts in a.s.l. - some of them really struggle...-

Do you sleep with the door open or closed?

closed. i like my privacy 

Are you an official couple with the last person you kissed?

i was at one time.. not anymore though. 

Smitten (:

what does yours look like?

voice lessons are great. not only because i'm learning to sing. kathryn always  gives me the best advice, and it's always something i needed to hear. it's either she reads peoples minds and always knows what to say to me. or she's a blessing from my father in heaven, inspiring her to say the things she does.

the lesson she taught me today has to do with a field.

forgive me now. for i will butcher her words. she said them beautifully.

but she said something along these lines..

everyone has a field. and in your own field, in places the grass is very long and hard to get through, so you have to work to make a path. but in other areas of you're field, the grass is easier to get through, and making the path takes hardly any effort at all. 

everyone's fields are different. the ruff parts are in different areas, and the easy parts are in different areas. 

the field symbolizing our life. 

some things come so naturally to us we hardly recognize them as talents. 

others are obstacles that we have to work hard for, but they can eventually become talents as well.

she then went on to say,

just because someone is better than you at something, doesn't mean you aren't as good as them. because there is bound to be something in your field that's an easy path, that in their's is an obstacle. 

i kid you not. i almost started to bawl. right there, and i may or may not be tearing up right now.

she said. "it's all about perspective. it helps with the coveting. and you become happy for those around you, instead of being envious and jealous. and saying ehhhh it's that person." 

thank you kathryn.  i really needed that peptalk. and not just because i was nervous about the recital on saturday. but because it's something i've been struggling with for a long time. 

well... ummm.. yeah.

sometimes i feel like i don't fit in. or that i'm second best. 

please make this feeling go away.. i hate it. 

vacation please?

get me out of pg.
away from the cold wintery days,
and the piles of homework waiting to be done.
and the dramas of high school.

take me to a place that's warm and sunny.

so i can lay on the beach and listen to the waves crash against the shore, and let the sun tickle my skin. forgetting the world i left behind. not having a care as to what that boy thinks of me. or worrying about if i fit in or not. or dwelling on hurtful things people have said to me. please take me there. i need to feel relaxed. and i wouldn't mind a tan either.











if only life was really that simple 

because you can't run away from the drama, the problems, the heartache, and the whatever else boils your blood. 

does it ever get easier? 

will people become nicer?

does the drama ever end?

if you answered yes to all these questions i'd be happy.

but i don't think that'll happen. 

because if life were easy it wouldn't be hard. and we wouldn't learn, and enjoy the blessings of learning.

not everyone is nice. and some people never change. it's a matter of deciding if you are going to be the kind of person who is kind, and christ like. or if you will choose to be in a sense a brat.

and the drama? the worst of all? people will continue to be offended at the most ridiculous things. so don't let it get to you. smile and move on. 

i'm having a major writers block.

to: father

dear father,
i was very heartbroken when i came home from lunch to make myself a smoothie, only to find the blendtec was missing. because why? you took it to work. i would like you to know this is not at all okay.

love,
breanna

to: a boy

dear boy,
do you realize you never really gave me a chance? you came into my life just about as fast as you left. i still ask myself why you left.. i know you didn't really leave, we were still really really really awkward friends. if you could even call it that. the reason i think we were so awkward is because i didn't know what to say to you, and i don't think you knew what to say to me. but we slowly came out of that, but then you found this girl. one of my closest friends to be exact. i pretended for a long time i didn't mind. but there comes a certain point when a girl can't pretend anymore. i feel a little bad that i can't just be happy for her, or you. i find myself hating that you drive past my house almost everyday to get to hers. do you ever wonder as you pass my house, "i wonder what bre is up to today?". i hate that she sometimes she doesn't tell me the whole truth, when i ask her to hang out. then i find out she's with you. boy..? why is she better than me? can you please tell me? it's hard knowing i wasn't good enough, but she is. this is a lose-lose situation for me boy. i'm glad i got that off my chest.

best regards.

breanna

NEW

what do you think? like or dislike?

the calendar

i need something spontaneous in my life. i'm sick of the same thing day in and day out.  

preference wear

the shoes








the best friend is lending me the dress 

the hair 

speak

once again, i have a voice. let me use it. okay? thanks.

friends

i'm sorry i can't be the most exciting person around. i'm sorry i don't have the most friends. and i'm sorry i don't know all the people you know. but the friends i do have are genuine. i found out today some things about me that i never would have guessed people would think about me. like how one of my friends i've been friends with since activity days, was scared to talk to me in junior high, because she thought i was too cool for her. i've never felt like one of the cool kids in my life. and that my other friend who i've been friends with since activity days, was so excited when i asked her to start hanging out with my group of friends. because she felt she had no friends, and that i seemed so confidant and fun. i don't always feel confidant. actually i more than likely usually don't. but today, out of that group of friends from the 8th grade, she's the only one who's still a best friend. the others went their separate ways. my other friend has also told me, that when we were really awkward friends, our family's went to lake powell together, and she felt like i was so much better because i came down to breakfast wearing makeup. i honestly don't even remember wearing makeup.. i was in lake powell hahaa who wears make up? it kind of hit me that i touch peoples lives in ways i never imagined. what if i hadn't included my friend in our stupid teen living class in the ninth grade? would she still think i was way to cool? and that she wasn't good enough to be my friend? what if i never started hanging out with my other friend? would she still feel like she had no friends? what if i was the kind of person that was to good for anyone? and cared more what i looked like all the time (even in lake powell) to where i never would have become more than awkward acquaintances with my best friend? it blows my mind i've impacted these two friends so much. when i had no idea. 

but then i think.

well everyone that's walked into my life has impacted me. for good or bad.

and those people don't always stay. some do walk away. but the people that stay mean more than a few moments in the spotlight, then dating the boy on the football team, than being a part of the popular crowd, and anything else high school screams out at you THIS IS COOL. AND NOTHING ELSE IS.

high school is hard sometimes. especially when you don't have the right friends.

i'm forever grateful for my friends. 

believe me i could go on and on with the pictures. but maybe i'll save that for another day (:

failer.

this saturday.
i've..
done homework.
and..
more homework.
and..
more homework.

i have no life. does this make me a loser?

yes. yes it does.

where do you fit in?

why do people act one way around me. but are a complete different person around someone else? this gets annoying. please don't do this.
because then we just end up like this.

why do we have these cliques?

why is it so hard for people to branch out from their cliques?

why can't everyone just be accepting of one another??

it's simply because it's easier said than done.

it's easier to hate than to love.

but yet what is everyone seeking? L.O.V.E 

i find this ironic.