take a sneak peak.

guess what, starting a new phase in life means... new blog.

take a gander...http://imincollegenow.blogspot.com/

i hate it,

when all your friends blow you off. 

those moments when...

- when no one recognizes you, because you're hair is colored, and have new bangs.
- when you see him at your brothers football game, and you both awkwardly wave. and that's it.
- when your pants that haven't fit you since sophomore year, suddenly fit again.
- when you get hit on by two creeps in the same week.
- when you are avoiding packing up your room.
- when you go boating. and just love life.
- when you get frosties with the best friend.
- when your family takes you to market street grill, and it's devine.
- when your great grandfather makes you laugh so hard, because he's quite the jokester.
- when you breakdown, and get mad. and realize... it's not worth it.
- when you listen to newly purchased music.


happy weekend.  

katy perry.

I went to the katy perry movie with my aunt and cousin today. it made me cry. is that okay? or does that make me emotionally unstable? i can't decide. but i can now truly say, i cry at every movie. haha i loved the movie by the way. and i love katy. she's great. 

bored? maybe..

when my aunt sends everyone to bed at 10. i'm left to sketch, read, get on the computer. and wish my friends weren't two hours away. 

a sigh of relief. for now.

finding that i can be brave, and write him a letter. finally telling him the feelings i've kept to myself, the journal, and this blog.

it felt good to be completely honest.

it also didn't feel so good to know i might have demolished our friendship. because i pretty much told him i love him. in sort of a round about way. not even really using the words i love you. but you can tell that's what i ment.

i'll keep you posted on what happens next with this boy.

for now, i'm gonna celebrate the fact that i actually had the guts to put that envelope in the mailbox. 

feet.

 Logan Canyon with Father, and Mother. Takin pictures and what not.

 Playing with Colton's pet frog.

Hanging out in my *thneeed* socks, cow blanket, and watching the olympics.


















I have a slight obsession. I have many pictures of my feet. and I decided today that I'm going to take a picture every day starting today, of my feet. so I can further more tell my story of where i've been. 

invisibly shaken.

Spending a couple hours with you, I found that you made me feel like I belong somewhere. You made me feel  happy. I couldn't wipe the smile from my face when I was near you. You made me laugh.  This was a devastating blow.

I know you're all thinking, the last sentence doesn't belong, it pains me to tell you it does.

I shouldn't be devastated. Or hurt. Or frustrated.

The reason why i'm so hurt and frustrated (and why my throat hurts from groaning at myself, and why my hand is sore from hitting my steering wheel so hard, and why my head hurts from sobbing) is because, it's so easy for me to love him. I just can't help it. And I knowingly set myself up for the hurt of the after math, as i've been beginning to realize lately, that I can't have his love in return. I honestly have no idea exactly how he feels about me, he's never said. but even if he loves me the way I find myself loving him. (which I think he does, otherwise we wouldn't keep finding gravity pulling us towards each other) he's put up walls. walls that are there for good reason. walls to keep us from getting to attached to each other, in a time of life where attachement could lead to catastrophe, and regret. but even understanding the motives of the walls completely. it still breaks my heart in a way that i'm not sure I can fully explain. other than, it's so hard knowing the boy I love, I can't have.

 I need to tell him how I feel. He thinks i'm angry at him. But I don't know how to explain to him. How do I state that i'm angry at myself for loving him, and not being able to let him go?


All heartbreaks are awful, but this has been the worst by far. In the words of dear Rodney i'm invisibly shaken.